Independence and Interdependence for Young Children

Benchmarks of Independence / Interdependence

Examples of Guiding Language

• The most important aspect of guiding language is explaining the child’s feelings so they have language to explain how they feel in the future. “I see you’re sad.” “I see you’re angry.”
• Never force a child to say he is sorry. Explain how he has caused hurt and tell him to ask the injured/upset child what he/she needs to feel better. If they will not ask, then you ask. You can then assist the child in doing what the injured/upset child has asked.
• Remember to talk through a situation, and don’t ask why. Ask “Did something happen?” or say “Tell me more.” Why is not a question they can answer.
• Make limits and rules clear and consistent. When there is a problem, refer to the rules as the reason they should not have done something. This way there is no blaming on either side.
• Say things like:
  • Would you help me with … ?
  • How can we … ?
  • What do you think?
  • How do you think…feels?

Remember, it’s OK if

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